Update:

I don't want to end up writing about something and then I end up jinxing my life and how everything has been going, because for some reason I have a crazy fear about that. like, I feel like whenever I post anything good about my life, some crazy voodoo shit happens to where my life does a 360 and I end up miserable again.

so I'm going to try my best to speak about how things have been going without having that happen. here it goes.

since I've moved out from my parents house and out of the town I've hated ever since I became a sad resident, I've seen a lot of change. not just in myself, but in my life. when I still lived with the parentals, people close to me always told me that they know that whenever I get out that I will be so much happier. I always doubted them. for as long as I could remember, I've been completely unhappy with myself and my life. it's been almost a month that I've lived here and last week I came to the realization that all of those people were right.

I've seen a difference and a change in myself. I've always been responsible, but I'm more cautious, more aware, more kept up. I used to be down and be hard on my self constantly. I feel the drive to get ready more, to the extent that I do my hair again and have started wearing it down instead of throwing it in my everyday trashy bun that I've been sporting since I've had the title of a store manager (which has been a year now). I've been dressing (or been trying to) dress better like I used to, instead of wearing the grungey clothes that I have been for who knows how long now.
I'm all around happier now. I've become completely independent, I've escaped a toxic environment, and I actually have time to focus on myself instead of everyone's bullshit around me (with the exception of work because, well, that's my job).

I can't blame all of this solely on moving out. because the biggest change and the biggest reason for my ultimate happiness is what I had been waiting for for 4 years, my boyfriend. since the day he pursued me, I had been imagining literally being with him. and after 4 long and excruciating years, he made it official on August 4th. I honestly can't fully describe the happiness I feel that this has finally happened or how he makes me feel.

I hope life doesn't turn around to bite me in the ass because it refuses to let me be happy for too long. but I deserve this. and I hope I'm able to keep it all and continue to feel and be this way. because this is all what I have been waiting for for too long.

Amanda is a 23 year old stuck in an old wise woman's mind. She tends to act older than her age most of the time , but random spurts of a child seep out from time to time. She lives in a decent sized studio apartment with her baby, Chewy the wiener dog. She's a persistent, hard working store manager for Spencer Gifts that doesn't like taking no for an answer.

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